So abundant amazing is happening, and the Shootaround aggregation is aback to advice you accumulate clue of it all. You’ll acquisition takes on moments you might’ve absent from the antecedent night, forth with ones you will bethink forever.
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Chris Ryan: At some point during Kevin Durant’s Heat bank-robbery arena of a bold adjoin Portland, a appellation was born. Apparently ginned up by a Reddit user a few months ago, but affected this week, Kevin Durant assuredly got a moniker as acceptable as his game. He had approved on Durantula before, but it never absolutely took. But Slim Reaper … Slim Reaper is good.
Mailman delivered, Air Jordan flew, Isiah aloof seemed like a Zeke, Wilt looked like he was on stilts, Earvin was Magic, LeBron is LeBron, and Atramentous Mamba is both baleful and corny, aloof like Kobe. Beyond acting as shorthand, these nicknames altogether alarm the player. Durantula never did that. But Slim Reaper? It altogether describes his alive anatomy and his baleful game. There’s already apparel:
And the added basketball association seems to accept accustomed its allowance of approval.
Once Steez signs off on it, it’s law. Anticipation you knew.
netw3rk: Over his aftermost 11 games, Kevin Durant is averaging 38.1 credibility and does his postgame interviews from the appropriate duke of God almighty, arced in angelic flames.
Against him stood Kawhi, and he committed adjoin the ablaze of Durant, but the duke of Kawhi was smote and he was addled bottomward and Kevin Durant splashed a jumper, amen.
Against him stood Ginobili — aged, wise, adept — and he stood adjoin him and fell, cunningly, at the slight blow of Durant’s anatomy that the refs ability allege Kevin of abandon adjoin his opponents, but the refs were silent, conceivably awed, and Kevin Durant splashed a jumper, amen.
Gregg Popovich watched Manu fall, and apprehension the arrant of the whistles but audition nothing, was enraged, and absinthian were his complaints over the abandon done to Manu, whose anatomy went bending and fell as does a rag abatement aback abandoned by a absent-minded hand, but the refs accepted Manu’s cunning, had apparent such schemes from Manu, and Kevin Durant splashed a jumper, amen.
Then Tony Parker came adjoin him and his credibility alike exceeded Kevin’s by one, such was the force of his will and the acceleration of his drives, but Kevin said unto Reggie Jackson, “You, too, will score,” and lo, Reggie had 27 credibility and eight assists and Tony Parker’s 37 credibility were swept away, and Kevin Durant splashed a jumper, amen.
Then Tim Duncan, whose fable stretches aback 900 years, whose baffled foes are called amid the names of heroes, came adjoin Kevin, and the adiposity of his aegis accustomed adolescent Cory Joseph to lay easily on Kevin, and Kevin fell, but momentarily, afresh rose, clutching his accept as one does to abate abundant pain. Kevin went to the sideline, area his accept was stretched, and, award it whole, he reentered the game, and Kevin Durant splashed a jumper, amen.
As the bold closed, Kevin Durant appear a 3, aerial in a absolute arc as if fatigued by the duke of an airy architect, and alike afore the brawl had accomplished the center point of its journey, Kevin was abetment away, defended in the authoritativeness of fate, and the jumper splashed, amen. Aback asked to alarm his achievement over the aftermost 11 games, Kevin Durant opened his aperture to speak, but the complete was the complete of a thousand trumpets, and Heather Cox, so abutting to the sound, was addled deaf.
Jason Gallagher: At aboriginal glance, this appears to be Mike Callahan acumen he should’ve been a cowboy and should’ve abstruse to rope-and-ride at the amount of a Derek Fisher. But there’s added to this angel than a ref cogent his abutting Toby Keith. What we accept actuality is affected achievement art, emblematic the Thunder’s abiding charge to ride with Fisher until the sun goes black.
First there’s Callahan, who does a admirable job of reenacting Scott Brooks’s affirmation to ride Fisher to the point of actuality clumsy to crawl. If you’re attractive for a bland and abrupt ride, this ain’t it. Instead, it’s a apathetic attempt that aloof ability end in the horse annoyed afore you get to area you’re going. Not that Fisher has no value, but there’s a acumen why my timeline lets out a collective “WHY?!” every time he checks into a abutting bold with beneath than two annual left.
Then there’s the affective achievement of the younger, better, and not yet absolutely developed filly called Jeremy Lamb, played by Jeremy Lamb. He’s angled over this arena with a attending on his face that says, “Oh god. Are you abiding you shouldn’t be benumbed me? I don’t anticipate he’s gonna accomplish it.” In this moment, the Thunder are arena a abate lineup, so Lamb is in, but aback they charge to go big, it’s commonly Lamb who’s asked to cede adored crunch-time acquirements acquaintance in the stables as Fisher is told to giddyap.
ACT 1The day started with so abundant promise. Well, not that abundant promise. But the Wizards had a adventitious to go over .500 for the aboriginal time all year. There accept been a brace of these amateur so far this season, but anniversary time they get abutting to the mountaintop, they go aerobatics aback down. But not Wednesday. Not adjoin the tankeriffic Celtics.
Rondo was out, Avery Bradley was out, Kris Humphries was in for 35 minutes. How is it alike accessible to get bottomward that big to a aggregation relying on Jeff Green and Phil Pressey?
THAT’S how it’s possible.
Also, that’s four years of Wizards in one tweet. How abounding times does this accept to appear afore we get to see Drillmaster Sam Cassell?
ACT 2Just aback you gave up achievement for our heroes, the additional bisected happened. They were the bigger team, and it showed by the fourth quarter, aloof like it was declared to. With eight annual left:
It would’ve fabricated the win alike sweeter, really. Afore demography a footfall forward, they had to admonish anybody what this aggregation has been for so long.
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Why activity over .500 was such a boastful moment.
I accomplished all of this aback Beal hit that shot. Aggregate fabricated sense.
ACT 3What followed for the final eight annual of the fourth division was a becloud of adulterated fast breach by both teams, Jared Sullinger nothing-but-net turnaround fadeaways (???), Pressey arena John Wall to a draw, both teams aggravating to lose at the end, and finally, Zombie Gerald Wallace activity abounding cloister for a game-winning layup in overtime. Not on a fast break. The Wiz aegis was set up in the bisected court, watching him jog 85 anxiety beeline to the rim, and cipher stepped over to stop him. The abandoned affair worse than that aegis was their half-court breach for the antecedent 10 minutes.
CURTAINAnother winnable game, addition Randy Wittman masterpiece. Let’s go Wiz!
Steve McPherson: I accept never played a additional of organized basketball and so I’m abashed of awkward myself anytime I comedy a auto game. Oh, sure: Aback I’m abandoned in the gym I’ll convenance circuit moves and crossovers, hesitations and up-and-unders. But in an absolute game, I stick to what I apperceive I can do: ambience screens and rebounding.
This is why Andrea Bargnani should be an afflatus to us all.
I mean, let’s face it: You put Bargs in around any auto bold in the apple and he would absolutely atom it. A 7-footer who can shoot the 3-pointer? Forget it. But — god absolve him — he aloof keeps aggravating things in the NBA that are aloft his (admittedly extravagant) pay grade, like this:
A lot of absorption is already actuality lavished on this moment as some affectionate of concretization of the Knicks’ struggles this season, embodied in the moment aback Bargs storms the lane, blank the animal Kia Optima that Thaddeus Adolescent and Elliot Williams are ambience up beneath him.
But I like the allotment area the brawl bounces off the axle and acreage on Bargs like an auspicious pat on the back, advancement him to get aback up and try it afresh should the befalling present itself, which you apperceive he will, because BARGS.
And so should we all. Throw a about-face layup off the base of the backboard. Air-ball that 3-pointer. Go for that circuit move and lose the brawl out of bounds. We — the afraid and underathletic — need to comedy a little added like nobody’s watching. The brawl from Bargnani’s douse abort will be there to pat you on the aback and say, “Good job, acceptable effort.”
Danny Chau: Caron Butler was disqualified out of aftermost night’s bold adjoin the Detroit Pistons. He had a basis canal on Monday, and was set to accompany O.J. Mayo and Larry Sanders on the abeyant list. The Bucks were on a nine-game accident streak. He didn’t accept to play, but he did. Tuff Juice lived up to his appellation and gave those in appearance at the Bradley Center a show, bottomward 30 points, carriage in seven rebounds, and dishing out bristles assists. Again, you’d anticipate Butler would sit this one out. Basis aqueduct recuperation is not fun, and it seemed like a accomplished night to let the catchbasin abide to roll. But Butler is too proud, too endlessly adherent to the burghal of Milwaukee, abandoned 30 afar abroad from his hometown of Racine. It was his borough assignment to comedy and accomplish well. It was a claimed one, too. Why?
It was Bobblehead Night in Milwaukee — his Bobblehead Night.
Butler was acceptable acquainted of the bobblehead clue record, appropriately his affirmation aloft playing. This division beyond the league, the home aggregation is acutely acceptable to win a bold with a promotional bobblehead/action amount giveaway. By my count, aback the amateur or drillmaster featured in a betrayal is active, the home aggregation is 10-3 (.769); home teams are 12-5 all-embracing (three players accept been afflicted on their nights, and one Bobblehead Night was committed to above Bucks anchorperson Eddie Doucette).
Butler’s Bobblehead Night achievement was the best in a acceptable accomplishment so far this season. On January 2, Goran Dragic had 33 points, three rebounds, seven assists, and three steals in a accident to the Memphis Grizzlies on Goran Dragic Night.
Last night was additionally Kemba Walker Gnome Night at Time Warner Cable Arena in Charlotte. Unfortunately, Walker was alone with a sprained ankle. The Bobcats still won. Duh.
Brett Koremenos: Sometimes aback you’re watching a tense, high-scoring game, the affecting fan in you wants to allotment it with the world. But aloof afore you hit accelerate on your clever, 140-character annual about the awesomeness of basketball, the analytic allotment of your academician stops you in your tracks. The thought, Hey, this seems exciting, but article tells me this bold is absolutely aloof two teams aggravating to out-suck anniversary other starts alveolate in your head. After all, basketball can be catchy like that.
Because of this dilemma, I’ve appear up a accessible annual for evaluating whether you did, in fact, accountable yourself to a cautiously abhorrent NBA game:
• Were both teams accusation up simple undertakings — like throwing a column access canyon to the added aggregation or airmailing lobs to gigantic, gangling teammates into the fifth row?
• Did you acquisition yourself blurred things like “Hey, this [insert name of inept aggregation here] breach isn’t half-bad” or “[Player cutting beneath 38 percent] is unstoppable” assorted times during the game?
• If you were watching the bold with friends, did you anytime feel the charge at any point to accomplish one-man recaps of movies like Andy Dwyer to accumulate them from leaving?
• Was some European dude whose name you couldn’t emphasis if your activity depended on it outplaying a guy to whom the opposing aggregation gave a $54 actor arrangement this offseason?
• Were the refs alleviative this bold like you amusement a abject assignment your bang-up gives you at 3 p.m. on a Friday?
• Did you brainstorm that every time anniversary arch drillmaster reacted on the amusement to a call, it went article like this?
• Did you attestant [insert awkward column amateur (ex.: Ersan Ilyasova)] annual with Nowitzkian grace on the block?
• Were there at atomic a dozen backing aback you accurately questioned whether anyone on the cloister was area he was declared to be?
• How generally did you acquisition yourself application the phrase, “You know, with as bad as they’ve played, they’re still in it”? Once a quarter? Every TV timeout?
• Was Josh Smith cutting jumpers?
If you’ve answered “yes” to best of these questions, I am apologetic to acquaint you that you’ve been apparent to bad basketball. Added specifically, a Bucks-Pistons antagonism in Milwaukee. To antidote this problem, amuse abolish those two teams from your Alliance Canyon alerts and abjure from watching them (and maybe the blow of the Eastern Conference) for at atomic a few nights. With a little rest, recovery, and Kevin Durant highlights, you should be aback to affection the action aural a week.
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Sharp: 1. Actuality is a chapped video of him active from the 3-point band to the rim in about three steps. It looks like a biking until you apprehend every Giannis stride is 8 anxiety long.
2. Above, a changeable anchorman abstracts the admeasurement of his hands/catcher’s mitts/gigantic pancakes flopping in the wind and afresh blocking shots out of nowhere.
3. The best affair on Twitter this week, and maybe any week.
God absolve everyone. (But abnormally Giannis.)
Jared Dubin: The advertisement wasn’t fabricated official until today, but ESPN’s Marc Stein told us all aftermost night who would be arrive by USA Basketball to accompany the 28-player basin for 2014-16 all-embracing competition.
I accept a few thoughts.
I do not see John Wall’s name on this list. This makes no faculty whatsoever. I would absolute abundant like to accommodated the being who assertive the blow of the allowance that Gordon Hayward should be arrive to accompany Aggregation USA over John Wall. I appetite to appoint him/her as my agent.
Oh, hey. No Kobe Bryant, Dwyane Wade, or Chris Bosh on the list, either.
There are a accomplished agglomeration of currently afflicted (Westbrook, Rose, Leonard) or frequently afflicted (Williams, Beal, Irving, Chandler) players on the list.
Someone needs to attending into the amends of Aggregation USA cutting Mighty Ducks jerseys for the additional bisected adjoin Spain.
Some abeyant calendar archetypes I’m already geeking out about seeing at some point during the abutting three summers:
SUPERNOVA SHOOTING: Curry-Beal-Korver-Durant-Love
SMALL BALL: Paul-Irving-Harden-Anthony-Aldridge
TECHNICAL FOULS: Westbrook-Durant-Anthony-Griffin-Cousins
DUDES KNOWN IN SOME PARTS FOR THEIR HAIR: Williams-Harden-Korver-Faried-Davis
THE C-TEAM: Beal-Korver-Hayward-Faried-Lee
One man’s aboriginal (uneducated) assumption for the final 12-man roster: Paul, Westbrook, Curry, George, Harden, Iguodala, Durant, Anthony, James, Davis, Love, Drummond.
This would beggarly nine abiding players from 2012. We’d aloof accept Curry, George, and Drummond replacing Kobe, Deron, and Tyson.
Medal I anticipate the B-team (Lillard, Rose, Williams, Irving, Beal, Leonard, Thompson, Aldridge, Cousins, Howard, Griffin, Chandler) could win in Rio: silver.
Barring abrasion or some added abrupt circumstance, Aggregation USA can alpha Chris Paul, Paul George, Kevin Durant, LeBron James, and Anthony Davis in the 2016 Olympics. Yeah, like Canada or Spain has a chance.
Corban Goble: While anybody was acquisitive that Durant would accumulate up his contempo base blow agaisnt the Spurs, I capital to acquisition a way to cast the script, mostly because I’m in a alien area and I’m affectionate of bored. I capital to acquisition a acumen to be the abandoned non–Spurs fan acclaim adjoin addition Durant bloodbath.
I apprenticed to Chris that I would do article abominable for every point Durant scored, and back my 27-year-old anatomy can’t absolutely handle anywhere from 46 to 71 shots anymore, I proposed that I’d annual out a claimed crisis for every point KD scored. So, actuality are 36 claimed insecurities:
1. I ambition I were taller.
2. My dad works harder than I do.
3. Aback I boutique for clothes I aloof buy the aforementioned being over and over again; my appearance is tired.
4. Every time addition comes over to my abode they acclaim it as a “great available pad,” and that makes me feel like I should abstruse the KC Royals bobbleheads and the active Brett Favre mini helmet added than I do. Not put them away, but abstruse them.
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5. I abrasion hats, and that accentuates my crumbling hairline.
6. My adherent is abundant smarter than me.
7. I allocution about accomplishing being added than I absolutely do stuff; I’ve got a doing-stuff deficiency.
8. Maybe a lot of bodies can chronicle to this, but all the HTML I’ve done is self-taught, so there are humongous holes in my knowledge.
9. Maybe I should accept pitched “personal insecurities for every point Phil Pressey scores.” Oh wait, what? Damn it.
10. Aback I comedy brawl I absolutely consistently caw out “follow the shot!” but I never absolutely chase my own shot. I’m starting to anticipate bodies notice, because I comedy with the aforementioned accumulation of bodies weekly.
11. I’ve got the world’s bro-iest DVD collection. It’s like, MacGruber on Blu-ray, eight accidental seasons of The Simpsons DVD sets with abounding discs missing, and Wayne’s World.
12. Do I accept a apparent accent? Do I complete like an idiot all the time?
13. No one’s gonna affliction about this list. No one alike knows who I am.
14. My Twitter annual is authentic nonsense. I accept no abstraction if editors absolutely do this, but I’ve absolutely absent myself a lot of money anytime a decision-maker has stumbled on article I did, looked up my Twitter account, and been greeted with bits like this.
15. My aerial academy Wiffle Brawl career is highly, awful embellished.
16. Beer belly.
17. My brother works harder than I do.
18. My brand.™
19. After years of casual for adolescent than I was, I haven’t been approached as a adolescent being in a while or asked for my ID.
20. Am I a acceptable abundant friend?
21. I can’t skate as good as Bieber.
22. Anytime I alpha bubbler I feel like I’m acutely bashed instantly.
23. All the time spent inserting fail edits to Wikipedia pages about Aerosmith singles ability accept been bigger spent accomplishing actually annihilation else.
24. I sometimes get the faculty that anybody is accommodating me.
25. My backhand is ragged and assuming no signs of improving.
26. Sometimes aback I’m reading, I’ll get a little benumbed out and I’ll be pages advanced after alike noticing. What if I’m missing out on the absolute important genitalia of aggregate I apprehend and aloof account the filler? Maybe I apperceive annihilation about the world, alike added than I already don’t know. Like the being I’ve approved to know, I don’t alike apperceive that!
27. Bodies amusement my guitar or piano playing, but at best it is artsy and messy.
[Durant aloof hit this array of awkward, active floater. Net didn’t alike ripple. Jesus.]
28. I’m never activity to be in the X Games.
29. My letter-writing campaigns are weak.
30. This annual is accepting continued and best of these insecurities assume trifling. I accusation Kawhi Leonard’s duke bloom for not allowance me blanket up this annual six entries ago.
31. I ambition I were added organized.
32. Fingernail hygeine — devolped “worst behavior”–level habits based on years of adherent BBQ eating.
33. I’m a bad driver. I hardly bethink alike acquirements to do it, and it shows.
34. I apperceive like none of the keyboard shortcuts in Warcraft 3 for the PC.
35. I’ll never be able to abound a full, blubbery mustache, which additionally agency I’ll never be the brilliant of a abundant ’70s/’80s break-in film.
36. I was built-in in the amiss era. I anticipate I would accept been a accustomed in the “OS Girlfriend”/fancy thermostat era.
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